With the holiday season upon us it is a season focused on love, connectedness and joy. Yet many during this time of year identify high levels of stress, overwhelm, grief or loneliness. A gratitude practice is a great tool to promote a positive mindset and increase happiness… As long as it does not become toxic.
How does Gratitude get Toxic?
Gratitude becomes toxic when it ignores the reality of negative things that happen in our lives. Similar to the practice to positivity, when gratitude is practiced in the absence of validation and radical acceptance, it can become toxic and lead to decreased wellness, increase symptoms of grief, trauma and other mental health disorders.
What is gratitude fatigue?
When gratitude becomes toxic, fatigue sets in. It is a state of emotional exhaustion that often occurs when a person ignores important emotions like sadness, anger, stress. If we avoid feeling emotions outside of thankfulness, we run the risk of increasing overall stress. We know that emotions have a somatic impact on the body. What we avoid in our mind will often come out in the physical self.
Signs of Gratitude Fatigue
When the thought of practicing gratitude starts to feel burdensome, or heavy– this may be a sign of gratitude fatigue. Increases in stress responses like tension, pain, lack of patience, mental exhaustion are all signs of gratitude fatigue. Guilt and shame about not being able to feel gratitude is also a common secondary response. It is important to check in with the self often to see if we are giving ourselves space to feel all emotions. Gratitude and validation. We can be grateful for something and grieving at the same time. We can be grateful for an experience and sad that it is over. Gratitude is not to be practiced in ISOLATION of other emotions, but rather, is encouraged to be practiced alongside it.
Tips for Tackling Gratitude fatigue:
- Acknowledge what hurts within us and notice where we feel it in the body.
- Thank ourselves to feeling, and validate all the emotions or sensations that come up. This itself could be something to be grateful for.
- If you find yourself unable to feel grateful for things, just acknowledge what IS. As simple as your breath, your heartbeat, your ability to be in that moment. There can be appreciation for things, even if there may not be gratitude.
- Practice self-care daily in whatever form is accessible to you (i.e. exercise, journaling, meditation and mindfulness, acts of kindness etc).
- Set a timer to give yourself a specific space to sit with uncomfortable emotions. Do what you need to express those feelings of sadness, anguish, frustration. Cry, scream into a pillow, rage journal. When the timer goes off, take 10 deep breaths. Remind yourself that you’re safe and it is OK to feel those things, and still be grateful for aspects of your life. You’re allowed to feel both. People often need this reminder.
When things are difficult, acknowledge the challenge and get curious about what is being learned. When you think back on a time in your life when you learned the most about your strength, resilience, abilities etc… it was not when things were easy. It was when things were hard. Challenge, loss, disappointment are difficult, and is an opportunity for growth and development.
Take good care,
Jen