Toxic Positivity is something that I have been dealing with my entire life. Toxic positivity is regarded as the belief that any negative thoughts about anything is to be avoided. I grew up alongside a generation of folks who were taught that emotions like anger and sadness are things to be avoided. They were negative, uncomfortable and for many, scary. We were taught to “focus” on the positive, even in light of challenge or tragedy. It overlooks and at times ignores true emotions and acceptance, which can actually delay processing and healing. It was not until my education, professional and personal experience in adulthood that I realized the meaning and danger of toxic positivity.
As I write in my book, Making it to Monday, there were times when life got dark. It was difficult and scary and there were a lot of unknowns. It is because of that darkness, that I am able to appreciate light in ways I never thought possible. This is part of the value and importance of accepting what is, even the uncomfortable and negative, to give ourselves space to feel it all.
Plurality of Emotions
I want to be clear, I am an optimist at heart. It is possible to be a realist and optimist together. In order to do this I encourage people to draw on the duality or plurality of truth. Many different things, experiences, and emotions can be true at the same time. We can feel grief for something lost, and gratitude for the learning we received from that loss. We can feel excited about a new opportunity and also scared that it won’t work out. It does not have to be ALL positive or ALL negative. In fact, it is helpful to start thinking of emotions are neutral. There are no bad or good emotions. They are all valid and important.
When we give ourselves space to feel the emotions, we validate our experience and create openness to move forward, heal and accept what is. It isn’t always easy to do this as it requires learning new strategies and unlearning old habits that are deeply ingrained in us. A trained therapist can help you build a tool box of strategies to get you started to lean into the emotions in life and begin healing at a deeper level.
Wishing you the very best, always.
Jen