I want you to do me a favour. Really quickly, say 3 things you love in your life. Right now. I’ll wait.
Now I’m curious… did you include yourself in that list? Self Love and positive self talk are often totally overlooked. I have heard countless clients talk about wanting to be better, feel better and do better in their life, and yet they spend time self deprecating and being critical of themself. People often personify mistakes saying things like, “I’m such an idiot” or “I’m awful at that”.
Positive psychology has found that people that are the happiest and most successful are those that speak positively to themselves. They engage in positive self-talk on a regular basis. They also focus on their effort more than their output. This might seem counter intuitive to what we are taught in society. Goal setting and attainment is often something that is highly encouraged. Heck, I LOVE a good goal setting session (I worked at Lululemon throughout university… IYKYK). The difference is that when goals are set, they are not always meant to be achieved. If we only consider a success a fully completed goal, we are short changing ourselves. Let me break it down.
Imagine you have a goal of starting a business. You set revenue targets, you have plans to hire staff, develop a system, policies, procedures, have a website built, the works. You want this done in 12 months. Goal set. S Fast forward to 12 months later. Maybe you hit 80% of your revenue goal. Maybe you’ve hired 1 staff instead of 2. You have a system in place, policies, procedures and a website, although you want to improve its efficacy. How do you respond? A lot of people say things like ,”I failed because I didn’t meet my revenue goal” or “I suck at keeping up with the blog.” This is negative self talk. Ignoring or minimizing all the major successes and wins and highlighting what came up short. They are a boss, they have created a system and a business in one year. They learned a TON. That’s huge.
One strategy I encourage people to try to increase positive self worth and self-esteem is to imagine their best friend, partner or other loved one is sitting beside them. Imagine this loved one is sharing the information I shared above about the past year. How would you respond to them?
I’m going to guess you do not turn to this person and say, “Wow… total fail.” Of course not. You’d cheer them on, support them. Remind them of all they HAVE achieved, rather than what they haven’t. It often seems easier to give positive talk to others than it is to ourselves.
Strategies to being more Self-Positive
- The next time you look in the mirror, say 3 things you like about yourself. Do this daily.
- The next time you are self deprecating. FORGIVE yourself. Give yourself a reminder that it’s a habit to be harsh.
- Create a gratitude practice habit daily. Say 3 things you’re grateful for from that day.
- Talk to yourself as if you’re talking to your best friend.
Until next time,
Jen