One of the habits of happiness as described by Sean Achor in his book the Happiness Advantage is investing in your social network. The phrase “it takes a village” is often referred to when talking about raising children; but what happens when we become adults? The truth is we need a village of support to get through any and all of life’s twists and turns. How do we build that village for ourselves?
Who is in “the Village”
A village is another way of describing a social community of support. It can include formal supports as well as informal. Most commonly people think of close friends and family as their village. But with today’s globalization it’s not uncommon to far away from our closest family. Sometimes we need to build a village that looks a little different than the ones from generations before us.
Villagers Can be…
- Neighbours
- Community Organization
- Faith groups (i.e. church, meditation groups etc)
- Friends
- Team members (if involved in the education/health care system)
- Colleagues
Studies have shown that when people are experiencing difficulties, they are most likely to overcome that adversity by asking for help and calling on their village than if they attempt to do it alone. This seems to fly in the face of many generations of “keep calm, carry on” or “suck it up” mentality. The truth is we are not an island. It takes a village to live a truly full and happy life, and sometimes, we need to build our own village in our lives. Humans are connected beings. We thrive when we feel connected. And sometimes, that connection takes work to develop and cultivate.
How to make Friends as an Adult?
Making sure we are connecting with others in a way that allows us to be authentically who we are. It can seem daunting to make friends when we are no longer in school or even working in an office 5 days a week. I suggest getting in your community. Going to walks, take a class, join a walking/run club in your community or other group that has a shared interest as you. This will allow you to be around people with a common interest and can boost your chances of connecting.
Not everyone will be our cup of tea, and we are not everyone’s cup either. Building self esteem and confidence in yourself can assist in helping to make steps to build relationships with others.
If this is something you are struggling with and want to learn more about what may be stopping you from building or sustaining new relationships, this can be addressed in therapy.
Take good care,
Jen